I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
