Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
