Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
