Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize