White coat. Heels.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
