Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
