Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
