You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
