I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
