I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
