Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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