How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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