he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
