did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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