Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
