It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
