she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
