She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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