I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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