you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
