She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
