my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
