Someone shit on the floor
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
