Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
