my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
