i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
