Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
