no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
