can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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