my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
