and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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