i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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