Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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