So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
