The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize