last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
