Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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