living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize