rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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