i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
