Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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