Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize