Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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