We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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