I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize