Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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