I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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