This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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