Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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