I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
