but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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