Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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