i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
