You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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