can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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