just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize