guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
