dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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