I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
