Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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