Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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