Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize