Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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