the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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