Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
