This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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