Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
