Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
