i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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