I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
