I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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