You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
