You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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