The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
