I am puke
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
