i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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