Someone shit on the floor
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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