I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
