Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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