They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All the doctor said was why
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
