I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
