The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize