I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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