He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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