I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
