His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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