But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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