I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
