It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
