People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
