i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
