What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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