just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
