This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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