Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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